Tubelight- 50 Shades of Yakeen

Director- Kabir Khan

Cast- Salman Khan, Sohail Khan, Zhu Zhu, Om Puri, Mohammed Zeeshan, Matin Rey Tangu

Most overrated dialogue- "Kya tumhe yakeen hai?"

The film starts with Salman Khan telling us about his town Jagatpur where he was born before Independence. All his classmates addressed him as Tubelight as he was slow in picking up things.

So let's see how this word "Yakeen" became such an important part of Laxman's life..

1. When Laxman was around 10, Gandhiji came and told him that if he has faith in his heart he can do anything. The seed of 'yakeen' was planted.

2. Laxman's brother, Bharat asks him when he is riding a bike, 'Kya tumhe yakeen hai?'. Laxman falls so the 'yakeen' seed is still dormant.

3. Bharat keeps trying but no result. Yakeen - dormant

4. Same as above

5. Bharat who has grown up now and calls his  big brother "Kaptaan" asks, Kaptaan, kya tumhe yakeen hai, while jumping into a deep lake from a high rock. Laxman says, mujhe 'yakeen' hai agar Mai yaha se kooda to mai mar jaunga. Yakeen seed is still dormant.

6. A new character Banne Chacha comes and tells Bharat that unhe "Yakeen" hai that there will be no war so he should go and meanwhile he will take care of Laxman.

7. When Bharat is unsure Chacha tells him that as they are so poor he can get good pension once he leaves the army. Now the only proof that Bharat and Laxman are poor is that they both wear white baniyans which have small holes. They have perfectly groomed hair, glowing face but as they are "gareeb" so the holes. Now it's our turn to place our "Yakeen" that they are actually gareeb!

8. Finally Bharat puts his "yakeen" on Banne Chacha and enrolls himself in the Indian army.

9. A magician comes into town and asks Laxman, 'Kya tumhe yakeen hai'? He says that if Yakeen hai then he can move the bottle. He teaches a pose to Laxman. Somehow the bottle moves. The dormant seed of "yakeen" is now turning into a sapling.

10. Laxman tells Banne chacha that because of his "Yakeen" he moved a bottle.

11. Banne Chacha asks him to repeat and when he's unable to move, chacha shifts the bottle and tells Laxman that his "yakeen" made him move the bottle. Now the sapling has become a young plant.

12. Very innocently Laxman asks chacha, "Mujhe aur Yakeen kaha se Milega, bahut sara Yakeen?" 

I remember this was the point when most of the people in the audience took out their phones and started checking their messages or Facebook.

13. Laxman gets friendly with a kid and keeps telling him about the power of "yakeen"

14. Laxman's classmate who always bullied him tells him that if he has "Yakeen" he should prove it by moving a distant mountain.

15. Laxman does his famous pose which has now become the butt of many jokes. The villagers all collect around him to see if his "yakeen" can really move the mountain.

 16. Somehow the mountain moves and now Laxman's "yakeen" has become a full fledged tree.

17. The villagers are so impressed with Laxman that in their free time they discuss how his "Yakeen" moved a mountain. There is a scene where they are discussing how the mountain was slightly to the left before.

18. The guy who bullied Laxman also tries to test the power of "Yakeen" at his home but is unable to move the bottle because obviously his role is not author-backed!

19. More talks of "yakeen"

20. Same as above

21. Same as above

22. Same as above

23. Same as above

24. Same as above

25. As Laxman's "yakeen" becomes stronger even a senior army officer asks him to use his "Yakeen" to stop the war.

26. Half of the audience must have been in half sleep with the word "yakeen" still ringing in their ears.

27. Laxman tests his "yakeen" one more time and jumps into the deep lake and when he comes out alive he is assured that "yakeen" is a magical thing.

28. Laxman again tries his famous pose facing towards the mountain, poor villagers wonder what he is trying to do with his "Yakeen" this time.

29. The next day everyone is seen congratulating Laxman that his "yakeen" had worked wonders again and a "Laxman Rekha" has been drawn between India and China.

30. Everyone celebrates the victory of "Yakeen" by dancing to the radio song.

31. Only if the film had ended here we would have been spared from more motivational talks on "yakeen"

32. The film moves ahead and a severe storm threatens to uproot the tree of "yakeen" from Laxman's heart.

33. A new character Liling comes into picture and again asks the quintessential question "Kya Tumhe Yakeen hai"

34. Poor Laxman has nothing left to do but tries to find ways in which his "Yakeen" can bring major changes.

35. Laxman cries and tries

36. Same as above

37. Same as above

38. Same as above

39. People have started talking with each other, kids are crying, audience can't wait to leave.

40. More crying and talks

41. Same as above

42. Audience is desperate now

43. Finally audience prayers get answered and the writer decides that too much dose of "Yakeen" has been given to the audience.

44. The film ends with Salman's voice-over, "Yakeen tubelight ki tarah hota hai, der se jalta hai lekin jab jalta hai to full light kar deta hai"

45. I wonder how much "Yakeen" Kabir Khan had in this story that he convinced Salman Khan who is known to play larger than life roles to play the role of a dimwit who neither had charm or charisma and acted like a lost case throughout the film.

46. I wonder how much "yakeen" Salman Khan had in Kabir Khan that after doing a very powerful character of Tiger in Ek Tha Tiger , followed by a lovable character of Pawan in Bajrangi Bhaijaan, he agreed to play the dull and dumb Laxman.

47. Maybe the team of Tubelight had too much "yakeen" in Salman Khan's fandom and so neither they gave a love interest to the main hero or any good dialogues on which the audience can whistle and clap.

48. The film was released in 4350 screens in India and 1200 screens overseas. The "Yakeen" of the makers must have been hugely dented when it recorded the lowest Eid opening in 5 years.

49. I don't know how will Kabir Khan manage to restore our "yakeen" in his story telling and directorial skills after giving such a lack lusture film like Tubelight.

50. Salman Khan's fans have no need to worry as he will be back by the end of 2017 with Tiger Zinda Hai and with the beautiful Katrina on his side the film will "yakeenan" make new records.

In a line, it looks like Kabir Khan had too much faith in this story but guess his "yakeen" was not enough and it failed to move the hearts of the audiences.

You will only appreciate the film if you are a die-hard Salman Khan fan or a Tubelight!!

Raabta- Divine Love and Reincarnation, Recipe for disaster

Director- Dinesh Vijan

Budget- 50 Crores approximately

Best Dialogue- "Agar roze nahi rakhe to phir Eid ka kya maza."

Raabta's first look suggested that it was a mushy romantic comedy and as we all are suckers for a good romance, we eagerly awaited for its trailer.

In the trailer, Irffan Khan says, "Ab ye bhi koi kahaani hai, chalo kahaani badalte hai, raja badalte hai, rani badalte hai, kal jo adhoora tha aaj badalte hai", we realized that it was a reincarnation drama and half of the buzz of the film was lost.

Then we were shown a glimpse of the item song "Raabta" featuring Deepika Padukone and some buzz was again created.

Guess the leading lady Kirti Sanon wasn't much pleased with this shifting of focus towards Deepika's long legs so the makers took J Star's hit song "Mai Tera Boyfriend" where we get to see Sushant's six packs and Kriti's long legs. Sadly, this song was kept at the end of the film and most of the audience had already left after watching Deepika's item number.

The hero is from a middle class family who does stupid things like jumping from bridges and his logic is, "Saare din mai legal kaam karta raha to bacchon ko kahaniyan kya sunaunga?"

Yes, that's how bad the character development is and it is followed by worse lines like, "Meetha Bechti Hai Par Dard-E-Dil Dikhta Hai Teri Ankhon Se" or "24 Ghante Tu Itna Acha Smell Kaise Karti Hai? Kaunsa Sabun Lagati Hai?" 

It could have been intentional as even the heroine tells him, "Kitna Cheesy Hai Tu?" to which our hero replies, "Mera Kuch Part Chocolaty Bhi Hai"!

I'm still wondering what that line meant.

In the first half of the film both the hero and heroine keep saying "hum kar kya rahe hai". After the interval the heroine gets to know what is going on and there is one more character who from the beginning knew what was going on. Then when the heroine tries to tell the hero the reason behind their actions he doesn't believe her.

If this sounds confusing to you then you have no option left but to spend 2 and a half hours of your precious time and some hard earned money and find how everything is connected.

The starting credits thanked Deepika Padukone, Rajkumar Rao and 10 other people. During the whole film I kept waiting for Rajkumar's appearance and later when i googled, I came to know that the highly insignificant role of the 300 year old man was enacted by him.

Jim Sarbh, who excelled as the terrorist in Neerja, plays a rich NRI but guess he can't decide between Pakistani accent or British accent and so talks like a mentally retarded person saying stupid lines like, "Mujhe dekhne se fursat mile, to kaunsi drink piyogi bata dena".

It's surprising that Dinesh Vijan of Maddock films who chose to produce a sensible film like Hindi Medium selected Raabta for his own directorial debut.

The film was released in 1800 theaters and got an opening of just 5.6 Crores. The film will be lucky if it can even make a lifetime earning of 25 Crores which is less than half of the film's budget.

In a line, item songs and chemistry between the lead pair can bring the audience to the theaters but it's only the content accompanied by good dialogues and acting which can make the film a hit.

Avoidable

Hindi Medium: Fair point well made, Mr Chaudhary

Cast: Irrfan Khan, Saba Qamar, Deepak Dobriyal, Swati Das, Tillotama Shome, Amrita Singh

Director: Saket Chaudhary

Budget: 22 Crores including P&A

Hindi Medium is about a mother's desire to send her child to an A-list school because she thinks that in India, “Angrezi zabaan nahi hai, class hai”. She’s in a constant state of anxiety and always thinks that inability to speak fluent English leads to one being a social outcast which leads to depression which will lead to drugs.

Irrfan Khan as the doting husband who can't see tears in the eyes of his wife is excellent. He has no problem in accepting that, “My life is Hindi but my wife is English”.

Throughout the film he has given such a range of expressions that you can actually feel what is going on in his mind even before he utters his lines.

Saba Qamar has given equal competition to Irrfan in the acting department. Her chemistry with him is so natural that we actually believe that they are a couple who have been together since a long period of time. Though her character is a stereotype of many Indian mothers who are overprotective about their children or of newly rich women who want to be a part of the high society, she plays it with such confidence that all her actions are bound to make you laugh.

If Sanjay Suri and Neha Dhupia expertly portray the rich and snobbish elite section of our society, giving them tough competition are Deepak Dobriyal and Swati Das who are “paidaishi gareeb”.

These supporting artists make it sure that there is never a dull moment in the film.

The thing which sets Hindi Medium apart from all other films is that it doesn't try to change the mindset of anyone or bring any radical change. It doesn't give any lectures on a utopian kind of society. It’s a simple story of a couple who are with each other in thick and thin and have accepted the other with all their shortcomings.

The film was released in around 1100 screens and managed to collect 2.8 Crores on Friday. Because of good word of mouth the collections increased by almost 50% on Saturday and it made 4.25 crores thus proving that a good film always works in the long term.

In a line, there are satires and then there are courageous films which dare to question and judge the same multiplex audiences who have the power to make the film a box office success.

Highly recommended. Good one time watch.

Sarkar 3~ Triple dose of disappointment

Cast: Amitabh Bachchan, Amit Sadh, Yami Gautam, Jackie Shroff, Manoj Bajpayee

Director: Ram Gopal Varma

Best Dialogue: "Har acchai ki koi nirdharit keemat hoti hai, who chahe paisa ho, gyan ho, Ya phir dard.. aur dard ki keemat chukani padta hai."

In 2005, Ram Gopal Varma gave us Sarkar where we got an inside look of the family of a feared man, Subhash Nagre who solved everyone’s problems while sipping tea. The film ended with his younger son, Shankar taking on his seat.

In 2008, Ramu made Sarkar Raaj where Sarkar's enemies kill Shankar and Sarkar is forced to return to action and take revenge from them. In the end he’s seen sipping tea with Shankar’s wife Anita hinting that maybe she can become his heir.

When Sarkar 3 was announced we were quite disappointed to know that Aishwarya won't be a part of it. Maybe the film’s budget didn't permit it or maybe the Bachchan bahu was busy shooting for her first 100 Crore film, Ae Dil Hai Mushkil.

Sarkar 3 had the tagline that Sarkar is back and he’s angrier than ever. But throughout the film not even once we saw his anger or got to hear some dialogue which could make us whistle or clap for him.

Apart from Amitabh Bachchan all other characters are so ordinary that they hardly stand out.

Amid Sadh plays the role of the grandson who may become Sarkar's heir but he shows no energy and says lines like “Sab doodh ke jale hai and chaach ko phoonk ke peete hai” or “ye khel unhone shuru kia hai, khatam mai karunga”. Couldn't the dialogue writer have been a bit more original?

Manoj Bajpai’s entry scene was good but after sometime even his character lost the edge.

Yami Gautam’s character has her own vendetta against Sarkar, for he had her father killed. But throughout the film she’s only shown meeting Amit Sadh for coffee dates and just talking and talking. In most of the scenes she looks like a drug addict.

Jackie Shroff’s character is written on the lines of Vijay Mallya. When he talks to his aides on phone there is always his scantily clad girlfriend in the background who is sometimes feeding the dolphins or just showing off her sun tanned body. Jackie just has to stare at her and say lame dialogues like, “Jis jis ko maine ring di darling, wo sab mar gayi”.

Without any powerful antagonist, Sarkar has nothing left to do and we have to watch a poor version of the same story we saw 12 years back.

To add to our woes there is loud background music blaring in the background along with the Govinda Govinda & Saam daam dand bhed chants.

The film was released in approximately 1500 screens and because of bad reviews and poor word of mouth earned around 7 crores over the weekend. The film will finish around 12 Crores which is even less than what Sarkar made in 2005.

In a line, Sarkar 3 has proved to be the final nail in the coffin of Ram Gopal Verma's creativity and after this big stars like Mr Bachchan will surely stay away from working in his films.
Highly avoidable.

Badrinath ki Dulhaniya~ The formula of a hit film, one dose of Feminism mixed with one dose of women empowerment and a pinch of random fun and humour

Release date - 10th March 2017

One Word which describes the film- 

Over-the- top

Best Dialogue - 'Are ye tedha munh karke kyo smile kar rahe ho, Shahrukh Khan ho kya?'

Genre - Romance / Comedy

Music- Amaal Malik, Tanishk Bagchi

Producer - Karan Johar

Story & Direction -Shashank Khaitan

Cast- Varun Dhawan, Alia Bhatt

Budget- 50 crores (approximately)

Gone are the times when you needed a very innovative or unique story to make a hit film. In 2016, most of the films which performed well at the box office had simple plots, had a female protagonist or dealt with women empowerment.

Badrinath ki Dulhania is a sequel to Humpty Sharma ki Dulhaniya(2014), which was a moderate hit.

Badrinath looks at Vaidehi and falls in love with her. His only target in life is to marry her.

Vaidehi is a career oriented woman who wants to be the son her parents never had. 

The story is a typical masala film which you must have seen 100 times and seasoned viewers will easily predict what is going to happen next.

Like Humpty Sharma there are more moments of friendship and comfort between the lead pair than any sizzling chemistry.

Varun Dhawan and Alia Bhatt have given excellent performances and have some how tried to make the slow film interesting with their comic timing and intense expressions.

The dialogues are not what you will remember after the film, it's the silent exchanges between the lead pair who have become the most bankable stars of current times.

The film has many supporting characters who have done justice to their small roles.

The film was released in 2700 screens and has managed to earn around 12 Crores on Friday. This figure is greater than the 2016 Varun Dhawan & John Abraham starrer, Dishoom which was a much bigger film with a higher budget and marketing expenses.

In a line, though the film is not about some epic romance or great love, the good performances manage to keep the viewers entertained.

Good one time watch. Time-pass.

Commando 2~ Double Trouble!

Release date- 3rd March 2017

One Word which describes the film - Directionless

Best Dialogue - "Itni ghatiya team chuni hai to irade to nek ho nahi sakte."

Genre - Action

Music- Mannan Shah

Producer-Vipul Shah

Story- Ritesh Shah

Direction- Deven Bhojani

Cast - Vidyut Jamwal, Adah Sharma, Freddy Daruwala, Esha Gupta, Adil Hussain

Budget- 25-30 Crores approximately

The film starts with Vidyut Jamwal making his entry into a deserted building where he kills 25-30 people single handedly, jumps through floors, slides through narrow openings, breaks bones and then asks his junior to shoot him twice, one just under the liver and the other on his right leg, so that he can justify the encounter he is about to do.

After this came more such scenes where the hero is jumping or sliding under cars or sliding down walls, like a lizard. 

In Commando( 2013), Vidyut Jamwal made his presence felt because of his unique action skills but here his action stunts without a proper story look so unintentionally funny that we can't decide what the director is trying to show.

The film even has a prologue about Modi's demonetisation drive and ends with a rosy picture of a scenario where the black money is brought to India as if the director wanted to be in the Prime minister's good books.

To add to an already weak screenplay and story there was this "Commando Commando" background music along with every action stunt which was so irritating that it made several people from the audience leave the theatre much before interval.

Vidyut Jamwal is the only saving grace of this film. He looks fit but how seriously can you take a hero who says dialogues like, "Single single mat lo, chauka maaro. Come on, get me excited", while interrogating a criminal.

Adah Sharma as Hyderabadi-based Bhawna Reddy looks good at the start but soon her actions and accent start getting repetitive and boring. She moves around in small dresses and 4 inches heels and then says that she comes from a very poor place where they had to pay bribe even for water.

Freddy Daruwala has nothing much to do and maintains a non interested look through-out the film.

Esha Gupta with her skin tight dresses and painted lips looks like a mannequin. She can't act and I wonder till when will she keep receiving roles because of her resemblance to Angelina Jolie.

Shefali Shah is an integral part of all her husband's, Vipul Shah's films. She plays the role of a home minister but is always dressed like a rich socialite, even flashing big solitaires in all her scenes.

The film was released in 2200 screens and got a poor opening. With bad reviews and poor word of mouth it just has 7 days to recover it's budget which looks like a very difficult task.

In a line, this sequel is a big disappointment and should be seen only if you are a big fan of Vidyut Jamwal.

Avoidable.

Jolly LLB 2- Commercialisation of a tried and tested idea

Release date- 10th February 2017

One Word which describes the film-  Stereotypical

Best Dialogues -

Akshay Kumar- "Beta, jo vakil paise wapis kar de naa wo vakil nahi hota."

Sourabh Shukla- "Bhare court ke andar thappad maar diya inko, ab kya RDX laga dega inke neeche."

Annu Kapoor- "Pepsi aur Pramod apna formula batate nahi."

Genre - Court Room Drama

Music- Manj Music, Meet Bros

Producer- Fox Star Studios

Story & Direction- Subhash Kapoor

Cast - Akshay Kumar, Sourabh Shukla, Annu Kapoor, Huma Qureshi, Kumud Mishra

Budget- 30 Crores excluding Akshay Kumar's remuneration

Jolly LLB was a sleeper hit of 2013 where Arshad Warsi played the titular role of Jolly. The satirical court room drama was loved by all and it also won the National Film Award for Best Feature Film in Hindi.

In 2016 when the sequel of Jolly LLB was announced, Arshad Warsi was asked why he was not doing the film. Arshad said that Fox Star Studios needed a bigger star, so they chose Akshay.

“It makes it easier for marketing and to have a hit. With me, you have to make a good film, so that is the problem. You can make money with me only if it’s a very good film. If you have a bigger star, then even if the film is not that good, you still manage to cover the money so risk factor from the producer’s point of view is less,” he added.

Guess Arshad Warsi knew what the sequel would be like even before the film was made. The film follows the same story line of its predecessor where a corrupt advocate becomes a responsible person when some events shake his soul. The film uses all the gimmicks to make it into a blockbuster even adding a Holi song and some dialogues about soldiers fighting at the border to awake the feeling of patriotism inside you.

The first-half is slow where we see different aspects of  Jolly’s life and his equations with his father, employer and wife. The story tries to take a serious turn but again it's followed by some light events as if the director can't decide the direction where he wants his film to go.

Post interval the film is shot mostly in the court like the other two hit films of 2016 Rustom and Pink.

We have some good scenes between the judge and the two advocates. But soon we get to see a scene where the lawyer calls the judge a 'Tuglaq' and then sits on a dharna, which is followed by the judge himself sitting on a dharna, when the others are busy sleeping in the court. This scene was so ridiculous that we wondered what kind of satire was this.

Akshay Kumar is more believable in the comedy scenes than in the courtroom scenes where he's trying to question the witnesses.

Huma Qureshi just sleep walks throughout the film and afterwards you wouldn't remember even one scene where she has left her mark.

Saurabh Shukla as the judge who recently had a by-pass surgery is the best thing about the film. He is an Alia Bhatt fan even saying that 'Alia is Mahesh Bhatt's best contribution to Bollywood after Saaransh. His dialogues are witty, often adding pace to a slow scene.

Annu Kapoor as the lawyer of the corrupt cop, Kumud Mishra is good and gets to say powerful dialogues. Sometimes his arguments are silly but guess that must happen too in real court cases.

In between the commercial film there are few scenes which touch your heart like when a victim confronts the errant Jolly in front of his wife and father, or when Jolly’s mentor comes to his rescue, or when Jolly sells his cabin just to get some evidence but they are so few that they stop the film from becoming a masterpiece.

The film was released in 3600 screens, thus becoming Akshay's biggest release till date and managed to earn 13 Crores on Friday.

The critics have given it 3.5 to 4 stars even when the film is just average proving that if you have good terms with the star then  being politically correct is more important than being right.

In a line, though the film tells you now and then that "Muskuraiye, Aap Lucknow mein hain," there are very few scenes which will actually warm your heart or make you clap for the protagonist.

Time pass