Tubelight- 50 Shades of Yakeen

Director- Kabir Khan

Cast- Salman Khan, Sohail Khan, Zhu Zhu, Om Puri, Mohammed Zeeshan, Matin Rey Tangu

Most overrated dialogue- "Kya tumhe yakeen hai?"

The film starts with Salman Khan telling us about his town Jagatpur where he was born before Independence. All his classmates addressed him as Tubelight as he was slow in picking up things.

So let's see how this word "Yakeen" became such an important part of Laxman's life..

1. When Laxman was around 10, Gandhiji came and told him that if he has faith in his heart he can do anything. The seed of 'yakeen' was planted.

2. Laxman's brother, Bharat asks him when he is riding a bike, 'Kya tumhe yakeen hai?'. Laxman falls so the 'yakeen' seed is still dormant.

3. Bharat keeps trying but no result. Yakeen - dormant

4. Same as above

5. Bharat who has grown up now and calls his  big brother "Kaptaan" asks, Kaptaan, kya tumhe yakeen hai, while jumping into a deep lake from a high rock. Laxman says, mujhe 'yakeen' hai agar Mai yaha se kooda to mai mar jaunga. Yakeen seed is still dormant.

6. A new character Banne Chacha comes and tells Bharat that unhe "Yakeen" hai that there will be no war so he should go and meanwhile he will take care of Laxman.

7. When Bharat is unsure Chacha tells him that as they are so poor he can get good pension once he leaves the army. Now the only proof that Bharat and Laxman are poor is that they both wear white baniyans which have small holes. They have perfectly groomed hair, glowing face but as they are "gareeb" so the holes. Now it's our turn to place our "Yakeen" that they are actually gareeb!

8. Finally Bharat puts his "yakeen" on Banne Chacha and enrolls himself in the Indian army.

9. A magician comes into town and asks Laxman, 'Kya tumhe yakeen hai'? He says that if Yakeen hai then he can move the bottle. He teaches a pose to Laxman. Somehow the bottle moves. The dormant seed of "yakeen" is now turning into a sapling.

10. Laxman tells Banne chacha that because of his "Yakeen" he moved a bottle.

11. Banne Chacha asks him to repeat and when he's unable to move, chacha shifts the bottle and tells Laxman that his "yakeen" made him move the bottle. Now the sapling has become a young plant.

12. Very innocently Laxman asks chacha, "Mujhe aur Yakeen kaha se Milega, bahut sara Yakeen?" 

I remember this was the point when most of the people in the audience took out their phones and started checking their messages or Facebook.

13. Laxman gets friendly with a kid and keeps telling him about the power of "yakeen"

14. Laxman's classmate who always bullied him tells him that if he has "Yakeen" he should prove it by moving a distant mountain.

15. Laxman does his famous pose which has now become the butt of many jokes. The villagers all collect around him to see if his "yakeen" can really move the mountain.

 16. Somehow the mountain moves and now Laxman's "yakeen" has become a full fledged tree.

17. The villagers are so impressed with Laxman that in their free time they discuss how his "Yakeen" moved a mountain. There is a scene where they are discussing how the mountain was slightly to the left before.

18. The guy who bullied Laxman also tries to test the power of "Yakeen" at his home but is unable to move the bottle because obviously his role is not author-backed!

19. More talks of "yakeen"

20. Same as above

21. Same as above

22. Same as above

23. Same as above

24. Same as above

25. As Laxman's "yakeen" becomes stronger even a senior army officer asks him to use his "Yakeen" to stop the war.

26. Half of the audience must have been in half sleep with the word "yakeen" still ringing in their ears.

27. Laxman tests his "yakeen" one more time and jumps into the deep lake and when he comes out alive he is assured that "yakeen" is a magical thing.

28. Laxman again tries his famous pose facing towards the mountain, poor villagers wonder what he is trying to do with his "Yakeen" this time.

29. The next day everyone is seen congratulating Laxman that his "yakeen" had worked wonders again and a "Laxman Rekha" has been drawn between India and China.

30. Everyone celebrates the victory of "Yakeen" by dancing to the radio song.

31. Only if the film had ended here we would have been spared from more motivational talks on "yakeen"

32. The film moves ahead and a severe storm threatens to uproot the tree of "yakeen" from Laxman's heart.

33. A new character Liling comes into picture and again asks the quintessential question "Kya Tumhe Yakeen hai"

34. Poor Laxman has nothing left to do but tries to find ways in which his "Yakeen" can bring major changes.

35. Laxman cries and tries

36. Same as above

37. Same as above

38. Same as above

39. People have started talking with each other, kids are crying, audience can't wait to leave.

40. More crying and talks

41. Same as above

42. Audience is desperate now

43. Finally audience prayers get answered and the writer decides that too much dose of "Yakeen" has been given to the audience.

44. The film ends with Salman's voice-over, "Yakeen tubelight ki tarah hota hai, der se jalta hai lekin jab jalta hai to full light kar deta hai"

45. I wonder how much "Yakeen" Kabir Khan had in this story that he convinced Salman Khan who is known to play larger than life roles to play the role of a dimwit who neither had charm or charisma and acted like a lost case throughout the film.

46. I wonder how much "yakeen" Salman Khan had in Kabir Khan that after doing a very powerful character of Tiger in Ek Tha Tiger , followed by a lovable character of Pawan in Bajrangi Bhaijaan, he agreed to play the dull and dumb Laxman.

47. Maybe the team of Tubelight had too much "yakeen" in Salman Khan's fandom and so neither they gave a love interest to the main hero or any good dialogues on which the audience can whistle and clap.

48. The film was released in 4350 screens in India and 1200 screens overseas. The "Yakeen" of the makers must have been hugely dented when it recorded the lowest Eid opening in 5 years.

49. I don't know how will Kabir Khan manage to restore our "yakeen" in his story telling and directorial skills after giving such a lack lusture film like Tubelight.

50. Salman Khan's fans have no need to worry as he will be back by the end of 2017 with Tiger Zinda Hai and with the beautiful Katrina on his side the film will "yakeenan" make new records.

In a line, it looks like Kabir Khan had too much faith in this story but guess his "yakeen" was not enough and it failed to move the hearts of the audiences.

You will only appreciate the film if you are a die-hard Salman Khan fan or a Tubelight!!

Raabta- Divine Love and Reincarnation, Recipe for disaster

Director- Dinesh Vijan

Budget- 50 Crores approximately

Best Dialogue- "Agar roze nahi rakhe to phir Eid ka kya maza."

Raabta's first look suggested that it was a mushy romantic comedy and as we all are suckers for a good romance, we eagerly awaited for its trailer.

In the trailer, Irffan Khan says, "Ab ye bhi koi kahaani hai, chalo kahaani badalte hai, raja badalte hai, rani badalte hai, kal jo adhoora tha aaj badalte hai", we realized that it was a reincarnation drama and half of the buzz of the film was lost.

Then we were shown a glimpse of the item song "Raabta" featuring Deepika Padukone and some buzz was again created.

Guess the leading lady Kirti Sanon wasn't much pleased with this shifting of focus towards Deepika's long legs so the makers took J Star's hit song "Mai Tera Boyfriend" where we get to see Sushant's six packs and Kriti's long legs. Sadly, this song was kept at the end of the film and most of the audience had already left after watching Deepika's item number.

The hero is from a middle class family who does stupid things like jumping from bridges and his logic is, "Saare din mai legal kaam karta raha to bacchon ko kahaniyan kya sunaunga?"

Yes, that's how bad the character development is and it is followed by worse lines like, "Meetha Bechti Hai Par Dard-E-Dil Dikhta Hai Teri Ankhon Se" or "24 Ghante Tu Itna Acha Smell Kaise Karti Hai? Kaunsa Sabun Lagati Hai?" 

It could have been intentional as even the heroine tells him, "Kitna Cheesy Hai Tu?" to which our hero replies, "Mera Kuch Part Chocolaty Bhi Hai"!

I'm still wondering what that line meant.

In the first half of the film both the hero and heroine keep saying "hum kar kya rahe hai". After the interval the heroine gets to know what is going on and there is one more character who from the beginning knew what was going on. Then when the heroine tries to tell the hero the reason behind their actions he doesn't believe her.

If this sounds confusing to you then you have no option left but to spend 2 and a half hours of your precious time and some hard earned money and find how everything is connected.

The starting credits thanked Deepika Padukone, Rajkumar Rao and 10 other people. During the whole film I kept waiting for Rajkumar's appearance and later when i googled, I came to know that the highly insignificant role of the 300 year old man was enacted by him.

Jim Sarbh, who excelled as the terrorist in Neerja, plays a rich NRI but guess he can't decide between Pakistani accent or British accent and so talks like a mentally retarded person saying stupid lines like, "Mujhe dekhne se fursat mile, to kaunsi drink piyogi bata dena".

It's surprising that Dinesh Vijan of Maddock films who chose to produce a sensible film like Hindi Medium selected Raabta for his own directorial debut.

The film was released in 1800 theaters and got an opening of just 5.6 Crores. The film will be lucky if it can even make a lifetime earning of 25 Crores which is less than half of the film's budget.

In a line, item songs and chemistry between the lead pair can bring the audience to the theaters but it's only the content accompanied by good dialogues and acting which can make the film a hit.

Avoidable